Sample Resume Cover Letters

Thank you much for playing Mad Libs and helping me apply for jobs! 

________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr./Ms. LastName,

 

Your position for Dutchess sounds icky and exactly what I am looking for! I have 408.6 years experience in dwarves with a primary focus on ganache management. I’ve been fortunate to have the experience of pegging with winsome customers to meet their shifty needs. The consumers’ serpentine satisfaction ensures our continued and effervescent success. I always eerily demonstrate the “Oi!” attitude to make that happen. I’m spiffy for the opportunity to scorch with your chartreuse team that makes it sordid to come to work every day with haughty ideas!

I trust you’ll bang in my bone-dry resume that I have the bidness that you need to make your crack emasculate!

 

Peace out.

Slushkitty

 

/Gettin’ Jiggy

________________________________________________________________________________

 

Dear Mr./Ms. LastName,

 

Your position for Executive in Charge of All that is Holy sounds cute and exactly what I am looking for! I have 42 years experience in cats with a primary focus on fuzz management. I’ve been fortunate to have the experience of purring with fabulous customers to meet their smart needs. The consumers’ phoenix-like satisfaction ensures our continued and self-actualized success. I always creatively demonstrate the “Zowie!” attitude to make that happen. I’m devoted for the opportunity to maximize with your complementary team that makes it complimentary to come to work every day with beautiful ideas!

I trust you’ll energize in my lovable resume that I have the go-getter that you need to make your fashionista await!

 

Forever yours,

Slushkitty

 

/Munsel Störkel, Sr.

 ________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

Dear Mr./Ms. LastName,

 

Your position for Inside/Outside Retail Sales Managsisstant sounds lovely and exactly what I am looking for! I have 14 years experience in boxes with a primary focus on key management. I’ve been fortunate to have the experience of sobbing with alienated customers to meet their determined needs. The consumers’ muffled satisfaction ensures our continued and petite success. I always defiantly demonstrate the “Outstanding!” attitude to make that happen. I’m flawless for the opportunity to escape with your gentle team that makes it meaty to come to work every day with lavish ideas!

 

I trust you’ll run in my practical resume that I have the village that you need to make your women smear!

 

Sincerely,

Slushkitty

 

/NayNay

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5 responses

  1. O.M.F.G!!!!

    So damn funny. What a wonderfully exectured brilliant idea 🙂
    I will not be the least surprised if you get an interview as a result of these fabulous cover letters.

    Sincerely yours in love and marriage,

    Nay

  2. Dear Mr/Mrs Applicant,

    We were BEFUDDLED to receive your PATHOLOGICALLY OVERCONFIDENT application for the position of WARM BODY at our STORE with primary focus on NOT SCARING THE ELDERLY with your FREAKISH PIERCINGS. Rarely have we encountered an applicant with such a PREPOSTEROUS knack for SPELLING THEIR OWN NAME INCONSISTENTLY. We were especially DISTURBED with your experience as BEING A FUCKING CRAZY PERSON WHO TALKS ABOUT HOW THE FLUORIDE IN OUR WATER SUPPLY IS A CONSPIRACY BY THE F.D.A. TO CONTROL THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, DURING THE INTERVIEW. We feel that your AROMA would increase the QUEASINESS of our customers. For these reasons and more, we are NOT THAT DESPERATE to offer you the job.

    Sincerely, Me

  3. “the experience of sobbing with alienated customers to meet their determined needs” actually describes my job perfectly. These are really funny. They somehow capture what is exactly so absurd about applying for jobs!

  4. Pingback: Play Mad Libs with me again, please! | Slushkitty Lives!

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