My One Year Anniversary in CK is in t minus 2 days on Friday, April 13th, 2012. I have a few thoughts on the matter, as you may imagine. But instead of being all mushy and sappy, and oozing my gratitude and love true love for all of my new friends who have carried me this year and have each in their own earnest and gentle way (and may not even be aware that they did so) saved my life a hundred times, up and down, all over the place, I’m going to start a little “Then and Now” series describing some changes that have taken place in my early sobriety with regards to some totally arbitrary stuff in my life.
Then and Now – Part One:
Facebook (Part One):
My participation as an Active Alcoholic ~
A long time ago, I refused to join Facebook because I tip-toed through it once, and it kindly suggested some people I might know and may want to add to my friends list. They were ALL kids from high school. I cancelled my account immediately.
Now, high school was fine, despite a couple of humiliating and traumatic events that still haunt me today. Now, the high school reunion? Not so fine. Aw Lawdy, did I get drunk. I’ll give a quick summary and spare both you and me the magnificent details. I was a nervous wreck, so to calm those nerves, I had a few (7) drinks at home first. I was wearing unreasonably high heels, fell down the stairs holding an arrangement of flowers, got soaked, evidently had my picture taken a million times (they were posted on my class’s web site and I have no idea who most of these people are but we looked pretty chummy in the pictures – thanks, booze!), and I made it home but lost my cat. And my dignity.
Back to Facebook. I joined a couple of years ago, a little late in the game, after caving to the persuasions of my Facebook junky friends. As expected, I got a deluge of friend requests from these same kids from high school. I was so embarrassed but then I thought, “Hold the phone! YES! I can redeem myself from the reunion horror show with my witty, fun-loving posts about my fulfilling and rewarding, rich rich life! I’m carefree and can, at a moment’s notice and on a whim, pack up and move cross-country! No ball-and-chain on me, no kids, no stuffy 9-5 holding me back! A perfect plan! Cyber Salvation!”. That didn’t happen. What happened is more like this morningtime IM with my BFF:
BFF: So, are you ok? What happened to you last night?
Me: I don’t remember. Can we just leave it at that?
BFF: You might want to take down that FB update.
Me: FML. Don’t tell me what I wrote. Will you take it down for me?
BFF: Yup. Is your password still P L E A S E P U T M E O U T O F M Y M I S E R Y?
Me: Yup. Did anyone comment on it? Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.
My participation as a Recovering Alcoholic ~
Me: Does anyone give a shit about anything on FB?
Public Transportation (Internal Dialogue):
My experience as an Active Alcoholic ~
Here comes the train. Please don’t be packed. Please don’t throw up. Please don’t be packed. Damn it, it’s packed. Should I squeeze on? What if the door closes on me? I will definitely die of humiliation. What’s everyone else doing? What would a normal person do? A normal person wouldn’t get plastered on a Wednesday night. Stupid stupid stupid!!! Maybe I should just walk to work – I so cannot deal with this. It’s 3 miles. I’ll never make it. I swear to God if I manage to get on this train and anyone is wearing too much perfume, or is audibly eating something or is eating any type of pungent pig product or eating anything at all actually, or is screaming into their fucking cell phone, I’ll repay them for their courtesy by throwing up on them, instead of near them. I’m never going to make it.
My experience as a Recovering Alcoholic ~
I think I’ll go for a walk outside now, the summer sun’s callin’ my name, (I hear ya now), I just can’t stay inside all day, I gotta get out get me some of those raaaaaaays, everybody’s smilin’, sunshine day, everybody’s laughin’, sunshine day, everybody seems so happy today. It’s a sunshine day…. . Yay! The train! Yay! A seat! Wait. Hey, asshole – did that backpack of yours pay for that seat? What’s the fare for backpacks these days anyway? Speaking of backpacks, you, hot shot, oblivious lumbering lummox behind me, do you feel that resistance? Yeah? That resistance is your backpack pressing against my head. I know I am short, but I am not Smurfette – I am life-sized, very real, and very tempted to push you onto the tracks, you and your backpack. But since that is very un-Hanna-Barbera-like, and very un-AA-like, I’ll just give you dirty looks instead.
* OK, not much improvement there. I hear there’s some Step that addresses my hatred for mankind (JK), but until then, I shall remain the Bitchy but Silent Subway Etiquette Police.
* OK, just re-read that. I swear I am not a sociopath.
New Patient Questionnaire, Question 7 – “How often do you drink?”
My answer as an Active Alcoholic ~
“Sometimes”. (Read: Sometimes I drink before work. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I drink at work. Sometimes I drink alone. Sometimes I drink 300-lb. men under the table. Sometimes I drink and wake up knowing where I am. Sometimes I drink and wake up inRevere. Sometimes I drink cooking wine – ok. once, but I didn’t realize it until after I drank the whole bottle. Sometimes I drink and pretend I’m having a conversation with my boyfriend Jason Priestly about life after 90210. Sometimes I drink and my boyfriend Jason Priestly tells me there is no life after 90210 worth living if I am not in it).
If you answered “sometimes”, answer questions 7a-e
7a. do you drink socially? – “yes” (sometimes)
7b. if yes, how many drinks do you consume? – “yes” (sometimes)
7c. do you drink alone? – “no” (I have 3 cats)
7d. do you feel sick or uneasy after a night of drinking? “no” (as opposed to what? I feel normal. I don’t know what you’re talking about).
7e. when you drink, do you drink beer, wine, or liquor? “yes” (are beer and wine not liquor? This changes everything).
My answer as a Recovering Alcoholic ~
If you answered “never”, skip questions 7a-e, and move on to question 8.