“The Girl with the Uterus Tattoo” hosted a Going-Away Party for my Uterus last night! Perfect, huh? Thank you to those of you who came – it meant a lot to me. “Cassie” wasn’t able to make it, so instead sent me The.Best.Email.Ever. Here it is!:
“I’ve compiled a brief, not at all comprehensive list of things you can do without a uterus, for inspiration during and after your recovery:
*learn how to pole dance
*marathon America’s Next Top Model/What Not to Wear/trashy TV show of choice
*run an actual marathon, if that’s your idea of fun (it is not mine.)
*build a canoe
*visit the zoo that’s somewhere around here
*become a phone sex person
*continue to have the best sense of personal style I’ve ever seen
*get more tattoos. get a tattoo of a uterus!
*sync Pink Floyd with Wizard of Oz
*be a good cat mamma
*learn how to swear fluently in sign language
*move to Cambridge
*continue writing your hilarious-but-poignent blog
*become a standup comedian
*write a bestselling humor book. become rich and famous.
*create artwork from items you find in dumpsters
*become a stunt double
*marry a longshoreman
*balance the US budget, eliminate our national debt
*build ships in bottles
*start to build ships in bottles, get frustrated, throw ship-in-bottle kit out of a fifth-story window
*watch Community #sixseasonsandamovie
*create eye-gougingly cheery collages from women’s health magazines
*run naked through the streets
*go to lots of AA meetings!
*run naked through lots of AA meetings!
*start your own business making handmade but affordable cat treats
*go to Disneyland
*go to Disneyworld
*learn the ukulele
*bake a loaf of banana bread
*learn CPR. use CPR skills to save random person on the subway
*laugh at the misfortune of people menstruating
*save tons of money on tampons
*repaint your apartment
*go see a movie
*sponsor someone and relish the power of making someone else make a gratitude list for once!
*start a gang of ovary-less women. get matching t-shirts and leather jackets. roam the streets.
*win the lottery
*lose the lottery
*chair Live and Let Live
*start a new meeting in Davis Square. I am a very lazy woman.
*write, direct, produce, and star in your own dramedy about sobriety
*learn bird calls
*learn whale calls
*get coffee with me before a meeting, when we’re both back on our respective feet
*go up the down escalator
*do the gangnam style dance
*floss twice a day.”.
Below is the Second Best Email I have ever received. It is an unfortunate snag in the mild and sublime language barrier:
Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2011 6:05 AM
To: “Pim”; “Eliza”
Subject: SKU: DQ1617, MFG#: 4597-00-00F status
Hi, Pim and Eliza!
Our SKU: DQ1617, MFG#: 4597-00-00F has a status of “special order”. This is incorrect – it’s a current product. Can you change this on the site?
Sent: Thursday, December 29, 2011 10:36 AM
To: Kara; Pim
Subject: RE: SKU: DQ1617, MFG#: 4597-00-00F status
Sure Kara, just give me a moment. I just came on my desk.
No, no. Thank YOU, Eliza!